August Odd Jobs

August 29 - The odd thing about this job is that they don't tell you what it is you'll be taking pictures of. I mean they'll pay you $100 a day for it, so it must be something important. Hrmmmm. Well it's their money.

Picture Taker

This opportunity consists of taking digital pictures of outside locations. It does not require a set work schedule and you have the ability to earn anywhere from $75-$100 per day. There is no expense on your part. You will be supplied with the requisite camera and recording medium. We are planning to begin staffing up around September 8, to a total of 15-20 individuals, and hope to be fully staffed in the area by mid September.

This position does require the following: You will be responsible for attaining high quality digital images of assigned locations. You will be required to complete approximately 1,500 pictures per week / 300 pictures per day, which is much easier to complete than it sounds. You will be required to walk anywhere from 5 - 10 miles outside a day to cover your assigned area. You will be required to work some weekends in order to complete the assigned areas, but once again, the schedule is flexible as long as the requisite number of pictures are taken. If you don't like working outside and if you don't like a measure of flexibility and personal responsibility then this isn't the opportunity for you. 

August 28 - With this job, your career would really be going to the dogs. But hey, the dogs might be more pleasant to work with than some people. 

These people sure want a lot of loyalty for $8.00 an hour. Misspellings are the fault of the ad's author.

FULL TIME DOG KENNEL ATTENDANT

FOR DOG LOVERS!
GREAT WORK ENVIRONMENT !

Full time permanent kennel attendant needed.

Once you establish yourself as responsible, trustworthy and knowledgable, you wil be able to do your work with minimal interference from management.

Must be willing and available to work rotating shifts that include shifts that start at 6am and other shifts that go until 8:30 pm INCLUDING WEEK-END SHIFTS. Unable to consider you if you can't be available for any shift. Please, people who dislike working mornings and week-ends need not apply.

Job is physically demanding.

Must be reliable and willing to show up for work to attend dogs NO MATTER WHAT.

Compensation: $8 to start

August 27 - This is the perfect job for some unemployed Canadian. You can make money sitting home watching (and taping) TV. Plus if this chick, or guy, is really as obsessed as the ad sounds, you can probably charge her, or him, any price.

Crazy About Carnation Street? Wanna make some easy money?

I am ADDICTED to Carnation Street. The episodes that appear on CBC daily at 3pm or on Sundays from 8-10. But I am moving to the US and will not be able to see it. I need someone to tape these episodes for me and mail it to me. You will be compensated for this of course and the postage will be paid by me. Easy money huh? Dedication is so necessary since I cannot miss an episode. So until my 12 step plan for this addiction is over, if you want to make some money email me what you are willing to do this for on a monthly basis.

Compensation: Let's Discuss

August 26 - (D.K. wrote today's Odd Job) You could do a good deed for a furry friend and his cruel overlord. Plus earn fifty bucks. 

Are you flying to Blah?

Anyone who might be flying from This airport to That airport, and wants to make a quick extra $50.00 by flying with my two yr old calico cat whom I dearly miss, please contact me. I will pay for her flight with you and handle the vet check etc. She has a soft sided carrier and I would like someone who would not mind her riding with them under the seat so she won't be too scared. She is a very sweet kitty and I really miss her.

Compensation: $50.00

August 25 - I read this book once and they were talking about how Kudzu grows totally out of control. They cut it back and cut it back and still it grows. It's just like Jason in Friday the 13th. They keep killing him and he keeps coming back. Come to think of it that might make kind of a good horror movie. Attack of the Killer Kudzu. People fight valiantly against the ever growing evil plant. Hrmmm. I wonder if anyone would see it? 

If you've ever worried about that becoming a reality then here's a job for you. This job bears the distinction of being the only one I've ever seen, that when using the term get your hands dirty, they really mean get them dirty like with actual dirt. Apparently they also do poison ivy control, but where's the romance in that. Although I guess in a way it would still be saving the world, or at least saving the world from being itchy.

Kudzu Control

We need strong, hard-workers to help get rid of Kudzu. If you're interested and don't mind getting your hands dirty, please send an email. Also see our ad under poison ivy control.
Thank you.


Compensation: $8 to $10 per hour based on experience

August 22 - Ok this job is weird because he says he needs a miracle worker and then says the job basically involves painting, lifting and sweeping and stuff. I wonder what miracles he's looking for? Maybe his floor is really dirty. He should probably get one of those cool sweeper things they have on the late night infomercial. You know the one that works like a broom but is so powerful it can pick up ball bearings. 

I was thinking about applying but I refuse  to work miracles for less than $15 an hour.

Looking For A Miracle Worker

August 21 - When I was in Rome, I took  the wrong exit out of the metro station and there in front of me was a parade. It seemed like a relatively small neighborhood parade, except that they had fire eaters. It was like the coolest thing I'd ever seen. I wonder if they got hired from an ad like this. 

The funniest part of this ad is that it says you get paid according to skill level. I mean if you're a fire eater, you should probably be at the skill level where you're able to eat fire. It kind of seems like one of those things you can either do or you can't. I wonder what the levels would be? Maybe you would start with matches and work your way up?

Calling all jugglers, mimes, magicians, acrobats, fire eaters!

We book entertainment for all sorts of special events, corporate and social. We have frequent calls for performers with a variety of circus skills. We love to hire actors with comedy improv training and skill. We also need origami artists, dancers, singers, comedians, and are always interested in unusual talents. Please send resume and headshot via e-mail. Thanks!

Compensation: Hourly rate based on skill level

August 20 - Why didn't I get a degree in this? I mean, here's a job that's open and how many other people are you really going to have to fight for it?

Balloon Specialist?

I'm looking for a balloon specialist to make
balloon bouquets and wall decorations for
my upcoming event. You should be
experienced with all of your own equipment
(tank, balloons, string, weights, etc) & be
able to set up on location. The pay is neg.
If interested, please e-mail with photos of
your work.

Compensation: Negotiable

August 19 - This ad speaks for itself, but of course I can't resist one comment. How come they never had internships like this when I was in school?

Need tiny clowns

Now hiring 6-10 smaller carny types to drive/ride in modified tiny volkswagen beetle for grand finale of traveling road show.

Experience necessary:

Ability to manipulate small handles under duress.
Resistance to fire is a plus. Similar roadshows are now igniting finale performers.
Ability to dodge potentially dangerous projectiles.
Must get along with others and pack animals.
Excellent communication skills.

Benefits:

Travel and experience the West Valley!

Compensation: tips mostly
This is an internship job.

August 18 - This ad cracks me up for so many reasons. I almost don't know where to start. Okay a personal assistant is hiring you to do the crap jobs they don't want and will pay you the princely sum of $8.00 an hour cash. Then they say they don't want angry unemployed. Hi you're paying $8.00 an hour and you want some happy sunshiney person? I also like the way they put weirdo in just close enough to angry-unemployed to make us all sound like weirdos. 

Of course my favorite part of the ad is where they request work related experience. You know I have done misc. tasks before, it's right here on my resume. Misspellings aren't mine.

August 15 - This is kinda cool. You could be like an informant on a 70's/80's cop show. Wasn't it always the shoe shine guy who knew everything. You could receive and dispense all manner of useless and/or useful information.  I wouldn't take any stock tips from Martha though.

Shoe Smart Chick Needed

Hello:
We're seeking one smart, attractive, outgoing woman who wants to shine shoes in Blah. First few weeks will be slow, but business is already picking up. It also beats waiting tables any day: less stress, more fun, equal money. It also involves craftsmanship, people skills, street smarts. The stand is an old, unused in this city and we're trying to build up the business one customer at a time. The reason we'd like to hire a woman is to bring in more male customers as well as earn the trust of female ones.

Compensation: Per pair, plus tips

August 14 - I always wondered how they found people to do this. I'd like to point out my experience with this was as a data entry clerk and I got that job from a temp agency. I never met any actual psychics. 

Qualified Clairvoyants Needed

Reputable psychic company searching for clairvoyants and clairvoyant/tarot readers to work a very busy phone line. Our readers work from their own homes and set their own schedules. Our goal is to provide a high quality, honest service to our clients. Readers don't have to keep any kind of logs unless they want to. Pay is per minute plus bonuses. Checks go out every week. Please email us your work history and qualifications.

August 13 - This cracks me up because it says must be a knowledgeable forklift driver. What, do they think that someone's going to steal a forklift so they can move this fountain for 50 bucks. I admit that market's bad, but I don't think it's that bad. Bad grammar is the poster's.  

Got a forklift and 20 minutes?

I bought a fountain that is stacked on 3 pallets in my horses trailer. The pieces are heavy, but were loaded with a small forklift. If you have a forklift and could unload the 3 pallets from my trailer, I will give you $50. It took about 20 minutes to load them originally. The heaviest pallet is probably 400 lbs. I am located in Blah  Please be a knowledgeable forklift driver - I don't want the horse trailer or the fountain damaging! Thanks!

Compensation: $50

August 12 - Sign me up. Get paid $120 a day to eat? The only thing missing from this ad is whether or not a gym membership will be included. Wouldn't you need one if all you did was eat and sit around and wait to eat again. As usual errors are the poster's.  

August 9 - I always wondered where Styrofoam came from. Now I know and so do you. How cool is that? Okay probably not that cool what with the whole bad for the environment thing.

Thermoforming Operators

August 8 - Ok this is odd, but the thing that bugs me is the pay. If you have to go buy the stuff to strip the paint it will probably cost you like $10 so you'd only make $10. It just doesn't seem worth the trouble to me. 

Help me strip paint from a bicycle frame...$20

August 7 - This is a funny job because this woman wants to pay someone to deliver food from a specific restaurant to her at some hotel. I mean how bad is she expecting the hotel food to be? 

If it's the restaurant, why not just take her husband there in a cab. Breakfast food doesn't usually make very good take-out. Unless it's bagels or donuts or stuff like that. This person says, name your price. I wonder if I offered to do it for $1 million, if they'd say yes. 

BRING WAFFLE HOUSE TO BLAH HOTEL

Visiting family from Blah staying at the Blah Hotel in Blah place in July. Would like to find someone to bring Waffle House from restaurant to the hotel desk Friday, July day around 3:30pm. (as a SURPRISE for my husband!)

We wont be renting a car and I believe the nearest Waffle House is 20 miles north there may even be one closer.

Compensation: name your price. you may also use the pool and beach at this exclusive resort on the main strip of the blah area.

August 6 - Now this would be kind of a cool job. The only problem is if these kittens are so fabulously wonderful, wouldn't it be hard to give them up when they had to go back. Then you could sue for custody just like that chick on Judge Judy. Not that I watch Judge Judy okay, so maybe I watched it once. Maybe it was the People's Court.  

Oh there might be one other problem, some neurotic woman showing up at your house every five minutes to see her cats. She would probably have to kitty proof your house first. I'm not sure how much you'd have to pay me to put up with that. (Misspellings are the fault of the cat lady).

My Two Kitties Will Need Temporary Foster Home When We Relocate

Cat lover(s) with good/safe home needed. Temporary. We are relocating to Blah area in Mid September--possibly November-- and will need a temporary foster home for two cats until we find a permanent home: Sophie, a dainty, female lilac point siamese (very needy and affectionate) and Pogo, a male, chubby, white, siamese mix. Will also need cat sitting when we are out of town.

Would want to visit and cuddle my babies. I am very neurotic and anxious about this move. I adore these animals and would be devastated if anything happened to them.

Compensation: To be arranged

August 5 - I think this job should pay way more than $10. I mean depending on how awful this person is, you could really be putting your life on the line. I speak from experience having been quite dangerous myself when I was learning to drive. Of course now I'm an excellent driver. 

Teach me to drive, PLEASE!

41-year old who has never learned to drive looking for a PATIENT, LICENSED and EXPERIENCED driver to teach me to drive. Driving schools make me nervous, good way for a college student maybe, who can drive, to make $30-60 per week. I assume it will take me 6-8 weeks...if interested.

Compensation: $10.00 per hour

August 4 - Now this is a very odd job. But hey who could resist the urge to dress up like Boy George and belt out his famous eighties tune, wasn't it about salamanders or something.  Well, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could.

I like how they specifically ask for a person without shame. Wouldn't it be more fitting to ask for someone without dignity? I also like the fact that they say 'you know I'll pay you.' How is some desperate job seeker really going to know that. 

 Person without Shame needed for practical joke

I'm looking to play a practical joke on a friend that would involve someone dressing up as a corny singer from the 1980's and delivering a singing telegram. We can work together on who you'd be and what you'd sing. I'm thinking Boy George, Robert Smith, or someone distinct-looking, but it depends on what you look like. Delivery date would be around Aug. 10. No experience necessary. I'd do this myself but I live too far away. Come on, it'll be fun. And, you know, I'll pay you.

Compensation: negotiable

August 1 - Now this would be a cool job. You would have the chance to drive all over Europe with a rock band of sorts. Now that might be a cool way to spend your summer vacation. I wonder how much a ticket to London would cost. My only question is how it could be a part time job? (As always misspellings are their's)

Need driver for Motorhome trip through Europe